Rant: Top 10 boringly everywhere tech terms du jour

How some buzz terms are changing the world of technology

There was a time when a bunch of blokes fiddling about with computers was considered nerdy and possibly a bit dull. Not a longer. Now it is has had the full makeover treatment by a bunch of extremely positive hoody wearing kids who shout about doing good in the world and inadvertently make a stack of cash.

But not everyone can instantly make the ranks of the cool kids, so in a concerted effort to rake in the filthy lucre, they have to take the upbeat words and throw them round like confetti instead. In fact, these days it is impossible to attend any kind of tech event without getting a fistful of them shoved in your face.

Here is top ten run down (in yawn order)…

(#1) Transformation – this is probably my number one snooze fest term of all time. It is uttered absolutely sagely wherever you turn. In one guise it elicits a manic happy dance of pure joy, in another it heralds terrified warnings of doom and gloom. It even tips up in Google meta descriptions where it busily does nothing.  

(#2) Innovation! – the exclamation mark is compulsory (and some might say fits oddly with the usual quota of suited gentleman diligently working through their PowerPoints). But this never puts anyone off, not even slightly, if you’re not banging on about innovation! you’re absolutely nobody in the tech game.

(#3) Dynamic – no matter how ragingly dull your software (as a service, or not) is, it must be dynamic and… 

(#4) Changing the world! – how exactly the latest, most excruciatingly dull, ERP solution ever devised is really  going to have all this humanity altering impact is anyone’s guess, but if you ask, after a pause you may get an answer around the supply chain. So, who can argue?

(#5) Uberisation – is hopefully to be found somewhere in your DNA or some such gobbledegook. Otherwise there is a possibility you will fail on some of the other important things that need ticking off the list, like:

(#6) Agility, (#7) Multi-disciplinary thinking, a (#8) Startup culture or at the very least (#9) Culture change.

And if you can’t navigate all this… how can you possibly be (#10) EXCITING?

I must say crowbarring all that lot in was a bit of struggle. Goodness knows how those PowerPoints get fashioned. But the good news is once you’ve bunged them all in once you can just repeat to fade…

Innovation! Transformation. EXCITING.