friday-rant
Business Technology Optimization

Rant: That evil electric bin…

In every environment there is a persistent niggle of irritation. On the train it might be the hideous music leaking out of the headphones on the man next to you. At home, it might be neighbours’ 3am hoovering habit. In our workplace, it is the bin.

This electric kitchen bin is so obnoxious, I swear it has a vile personality of its own. In fact, I’m certain of it… and the more time that passes the worse it gets.

It arrived innocently enough looking very silver, shiny and oblong next to the one remaining elderly, cylindrical-gunmetal affair. There used to be two of them, normal friendly bins with foot pedals which opened when you needed them then closed on demand. Unfortunately as one of them got older and a little defective, it was swapped in for this electronic alternative.  

For the first few weeks the bin was merely snappish. It would open when you proffered your teabag and close just a little bit too early. Occasionally it’d leap agape you as you walked past. And whilst it was by no means every time, it soon became clear something was awry.

“How much did you pay for this?” I eventually felt obliged to ask the purchaser, frankly bewildered that anyone would lay down hard cash for such an offensive piece of kit. The draw, I was told, was not the electric components but the spacious nature of said hardware. I was also assured that it came in at an average price.   

So, perhaps this is all mad conspiracy on the part of the manufacturers? Maybe they rubbed their hands together gleefully and vowed to make a lovely roomy bin so they could acclimatise us to pointless electronics? This is not ‘smart’ but maybe that is the upgrade people feel obliged to invest in next? Or possibly it is more sinister still and they’re monitoring our reactions from some evil Nazi-esque control room…   

One thing is certain though, throughout its career at IDG, this bin has become increasingly malign. Now it jumps open whenever you approach. Give it a wide berth and it still pounces. You can almost hear the cackle as you get closer. I don’t trust it all… and my wariness of pointless electronic items has definitely intensified.

Laser guided scissors anyone? iTypwriter? I definitely won’t be investing!

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